this might be the first post I have to start out with an apology… :
I am sorry for having neglected my blog and most importantly for having neglected the friendships formed because of this blog.
I could bore you with tales about my upcoming international law specialization exam in January – February 2012 and the countless hours spent crouched over my desk, squinting at codified laws and legal precedents, but firstly I don’t feel you should have to suffer this along side with me and secondly it wouldn’t be truth.
Well at least not the entire truth.
Sometimes, when things get hard to bear emotionally I have a tendency of going into social-hibernation. I close off all that is emotional and focus exclusively on rational tasks at hand.
Turning 30 was such an intense emotional experience of loss, insecurity, liberty, exhilaration and emptiness, that instead of facing these feelings head on, I opted to shove them all into little boxes to stack in the attic of my mind and ignore: If I can’t see it, it can’t see me either, right?!
Obviously, talking to you here would have made it harder for me to ignore all those boxes and rightfully so… .
I haven’t opened them yet (and I don’t plan on doing so for a while), but I have acknowledged their existence again.
However, I (neglectfully) didn’t realize that I wasn’t just shutting out feelings and emotions,
I am truly sorry.
Thank you for still being there listening and lighting my way back home.