What My Mother Said Next

via "Mothers Are Home" @ blogspot.com/

“Mother’s love is peace.

It need not be acquired,

it need not be deserved.”

[Erich Fromm]

I previously shared a snippet out of my mother’s journal, which she kept in anticipation of my arrival, in “From My Mother’s Lips”.

Whenever I feel the need for motherly warmth, I return to it. As someone commented rightly on the above post, she left me the most amazing gift:

” A glimpse into her heart.”

This entry, to me, holds a sense of strength and continuance. I share this not only so you may know me more through her words, but also so maybe – just maybe – this may make you smile.

I share this for you, my dear Patrice and everybody else in need of a motherly touch:

“Today is the 27th day of August. We are in the 35th week. You are expected to arrive on the 2nd of October, in approximately 6 weeks.

Are you getting excited? What sorts of preparations have you made for your coming? Are you anticipating the journey out of darkness?

Well, just don’t be afraid, we’ll all three be there helping each other.

Oh! You’re hopping about in me again. Are you happy? Do you feel the warmth of the sun upon you? Do you want out?

I had a dream last night and when I awoke, I felt great – so strong and unafraid.

Well as dreams go it was complicated and intricate and rather illogical.

What I remember of it is driving home in Concord. It was a dark night, maybe even raining. As I turned into the driveway a white cat ran across the way caught in my headlights.

I stopped, got out and picked up the little kitten. As I stroked it and loved it, it no longer was a kitten. I was holding a baby, my baby. You had lots of dark brown hair and eyebrows already closely knit.

Then we looked at each other and we laughed. I’ve never known anyone to laugh so much. I carried you into my old bedroom at home and we laughed some more and anyone could see that we were meant to be together. We really liked each other.

Then Rose and others from the hall gang came by to investigate,Β  and I showed them my new baby. Well, Rose didn’t approve at all. Realistic as she is, she assured me, that it couldn’t possibly be my child and that some half scared mother was probably searching frantically for her lost child. I didn’t want to believe her. But together we went out on the driveway and lo and behold the real mother did come and joyfully took you home.

So now I’m back to waiting.”

[ “Your Song” – Ellie Goulding (Elton John Cover) ]

25 thoughts on “What My Mother Said Next

    • I’d think that be a “pool” I’d ver get tired soaking in πŸ˜‰

      Glad you liked it – you sounded like you needed to wrapped in a warm blankett and cuddled – so this is my web substitute for that warm blankett πŸ™‚

  1. What a wonderful thing to know about your mother – how well she loved you – you are so fortunate. It’s such a pity that love has been so maligned and mistreated because it truly is the most magnificent thing in the world and the source of all real power. Thanks for the post – it was lovely to read it.

    • It is! This journal is my greatest treasure – over the years it’s become my go-to-remedy for grey days.

      I think there is nothing purer than the love of a mother for her child. Not that I would know of course. But I would believe that it’s the only love that comes untainted with other emotions like pride, ambition or lust.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed reading this – It has a certain sweetnes to it.
      To me it’s knowing that some things are worth the wait and that giving something up, might just mean that it wasn’t ment for you in the first place. That your special “baby” is still out there waiting for you πŸ™‚

  2. Her words feel mystical almost, like she was all knowing or something.

    Do you translate her journal for us from German or did she write it in English? I can’t help but want to know more about her.

    • It is! I’m not someone to hoard things (I actually tend to throw things away too fast – no old loveletters, no carnival souvenirs, no useless memorium found boxed away in my drawers). But this one thing I lugg around wherever I go.

      I have actually taken to it like my own personal magic 8 ball – I try to read them looking for answers in moments, where I feel the need for motherly guidance.

      This one has told me so many things already at different points in my life – but it’s central message to me is: “If something grand, that feel so right for you, doesn’t end up working out, that doesn’t mean that you are you won’t receive it ever. It just means it wasn’t ment for you after all and what you perceived as perfect, was only a glimpse into the future of the real gift awaiting you. Happyness will find you. You just need to trust and be patient.” πŸ™‚

    • Thank you πŸ™‚ I’m glad you enjoyed this.

      Seriously, I don’t think she ever ment for me to overread this stuff of hers as much as I do, but I guess it doesn’t really matter – in the end all that matters, is that I get something (or a lot of things πŸ˜‰ ) out of this πŸ™‚

    • Yes it is πŸ™‚

      I’m not completly sure, when I came across this journal in my dad’s study (11, 12, 13 – some time around then). It has a very interesting, multi-colored leather binding, so that’s probably the reason which attracted me to it in the first place. (I’m pretty sure my father was waiting for a special moment to give it to me, which I wrecked by snooping around his study, going through his bookshelves and finding it).

      I do remember reading the first page in this journal. It’s blank and it has only words hastily scribbled on it: “An unser liebes Kind” (“To our dear child”) – I remember catching my breath and I remember feeling dizzy.

      Ever since then, it has travelled with me, wherever I went and it has grown to be my own magic 8 ball for all life situations (a “what would she do guide”)
      Thank you, J.A., for taking the time to read and comment – it really means a lot to me

      πŸ™‚ K.

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  4. What a lovely post and what a priceless gift your mother gave you! My mother left this earth 6 months ago and I want to call her every day. In reading your mother’s words I was reminded of how the heart of an expectant mother grows along with the child inside of her with each passing day. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of my own mother’s love.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss – I read someplace that when a girl (and in that sense of the word we are all girls) loses her father, her home loses it’s foundation; but if she loses her mother it loses it’s heart – I feel for you.

      I’m glad this excerpt out of her thoughts made you smile – Actually beyond glad, I’m touched. Her words have helped me through so much and it has been such a true gift to see that they are appreciate by others as well – Thank you for that – Truly

  5. Thank you for posting this – I was one of those “in need of a motherly touch” and I read your post at just the right time. I think it’s so awesome that she kept a journal and you can read and see how loved you were. I sometimes wish I had a “glimpse” into my own mother’s heart.

    • I’m so glad that my mother’s words helped you. They have been a constant source for me over all these years and it has been an amazing realisation, that they speak to others as well – This is very, very touching for me to see. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and let me know how you feel. It really means the world to me πŸ™‚

      On a sidenote (and I really hope you don’t mind me asking): When you say you wished you had a glimpse in your own mother’s heart do you mean the both of you aren’t close or do you mean that she too passed away? (I understand, that this is a very personal question, so please don’t feel obligated to answer)

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