What I Ment To Say

“Speak with integrity.

Say only what you mean.

Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

[ Miguel Ruiz ]

Lately, I’ve been very quiet.

That is except for the daily remembrance – maybe even intrusive in some way (but then you can always skip over whatever you don’t want to read here – that makes it a bit better than sitting across the table from someone I imagine – you can decide what you want to hear and let the rest drift on by you) – a daily glimpse into whatever bit of myself I was willing to define myself by; whatever bit of myself I wanted to remember the day by a year later.

I’m not sure what I am to make of the consequences that come with my silence. Life here is so different from life outside (quicker maybe, slower at times – a haze, a mist, a dream). I understand that. I do. But sometimes I’m not good at – processing.

This is not an apology and it’s not a plea either. It’s – I guess you could best refer to it as a “whisper”. I longed to test my voice in this space again.

Wondering if there would be an echo.

Wondering if there would be silence.

Wondering what I would feel.

Wondering.

– I know this is not what I envisioned my first real post to be (I have other drafts – many).

Maybe this would have been better as a letter (would you have preferred it to be one?).

I think what I ment to say is

“I miss you. I miss me with you. I miss – everything. Thank you.”

[ “Breathe me” – Sia ]

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12 thoughts on “What I Ment To Say

    • Thanks Tricia ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not really back (same as I wasn’t really gone). I’m just trying to find a happy medium – a sort of equilibrium for all of the me(s) there seam to be these days ๐Ÿ˜‰

  1. I wish you ever fully knew the gravity and power of your words; perhaps, perhaps you do.

    I think the person who skips a thing, and maybe doesn’t reread each word, several times over, actually is missing out on something quite wonderful.

    • You will have to wait a lot longer and try a lot harder to convince me of the power of my words ๐Ÿ˜‰

      However, I am grateful to them if they succeed in touching you (beauty, gravity, power – be it what it may).

    • How did you do that? Seriously. I find it very hard to keep a balance between my time “in here” and my time “out there”. What did you do to find that equilibrium? Or did it just happen? Hey, I’m grateful for any advice here ๐Ÿ˜‰

      (Oh b.t.w., just so you don’t think I put you on “moderation” or something, but eventhough you’ve commented priorly on here I still had to moderate your comment – Weird?! I wonder if somethings up with my blog or it’s just a WPthing in general – Ah well, at least your not spam this time around ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

  2. Glad to see you back ๐Ÿ™‚ Not that the pictures and quotations aren’t delightful and thought-provoking…just that it’s also nice to have the voice behind the thoughts… xo.

    • Thanks, Nataly ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m not sure I’m “back” (on the other hand I wasn’t really gone either, I guess ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) – I’m trying to find a happy co-existence between life in here and life outthere: Worrywart suggested “moderation” ๐Ÿ˜‰ I think I will have to try that. I guess me being such an extreme personality won’t make that any easier… ๐Ÿ˜‰

      But, I do treasure the sentiment – greatly. Hugs, K.

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