“In Computing turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word >frustration<“
I have recently made a huge discovery and feel compelled to share this with
the world everybody who stumbles across this.
Pull up a chair, grab a soda or a cuppa tea or whatever else will keep you going because this may take
a minute (or maybe even a couple).
So are you ready? I hope so, because here it goes:
My father is a guy!
I know, I know this is huge and maybe I should be broadcasting this live on CNN, but for some reason, that utterly escapes, me they weren’t that interested.
Just so we are all on the same page, I should define “guy” and the ways it applies to the man who happens to be my father.
Urban Dictionary defines “guy” as: “Rulers of the world. The male population. The bosses of society. Every man is the best don’t ever doubt that. Us guys are the world on its own.”
Okay granted that was only the second definition, but the first one was lame and didn’t get my point across and hey – sometimes you need to fix the facts to match your argument, not the other way around, right?! As Stephen Colbert said: “Keep your facts, I am going with the truth!”, but I am side tracking.
Back to business. Where was I? “Frustration” “Father=Guy” “Urban Dictionary Definition” – right, I’ve got it.
Take a close look at the definition again and try to blend out all the “yay for guys cheering section” in it. Focus only on the part where it says “us guys are a world on its own”. – You know what? I actually concur with that. At least some of the male species, the “Guys”, tend to think that they live in a world of their own and as far as I am concerned they do! Unfortunately it took me almost 30 years to realize that one them is my father.
You see, the problem is that this “world” obviously has it’s very own “culture” (including but not limited to) own language, own time-zone, own social etiquette rules etc.
Actually THAT isn’t the problem – the problem is that all this information is not available for a tourist (meaning everybody without a penis) and thus visiting their world is sometimes hazardous for the tourists health and well-being.
See, it’s just like visiting the middle east in a skimpy mini-dress and strutting into a mosque in that attire:
- Best outcome: You get very dirty looks and a resolute gentleman will ask you to leave without making a scene and you’ll feel awkward.
- Worst case scenario: The police arrests you on the spot you get thrown into jail and you will be too scarred to feel awkward.
- Best way to avoid such situations: Research foreign countries before visiting as a tourist and stick to the rule of “While in Rome…”.
All in all chances are pretty good of you being an obnoxious tourist. Frustrating for the natives and frustrating for the tourist. Not a pretty picture.
Now, what if you did all the research you could on the foreign nation you were planning to visit and didn’t find any information or relevant information was missing?
You would probably still go (most likely unaware that there is stuff you should consider) and tread lightly and you know what? That might work out fine! You might have the time of your life, bond with local, find great souvenirs, gain 5 pounds because of their delicious food and fantasize about relocating there for good.
You might also find yourself in jail because you didn’t know that a mosque wasn’t the best place to show off those shapely legs of yours that you worked so hard for on the stair master.
Clear so far? Great let’s move on, because I am about to put another spin on it!
So we have (following my utterly compelling argument) agreed that “guys” are a foreign country/ world / nation/ whatever of their own. At least when you are entering a foreign country, you are usually aware of it and you probably know there will be some cultural differences with the locals so you are at least somewhat prepared for some misunderstandings.
You see, with my father, I was not! I (oh so naïvely) never made the connection that “Yes, he too, is a guy”!
Can you imagine all the frustration? Imagine having been taught that shaking someones hand is the polite way of greeting someone. In this other culture however shaking someones hand is the equivalent declaring a life-long bloody vendetta on them and their family or maybe less dramatic just plain rude. Do you see it? Tons of trouble ahead and obviously tons of frustration.
This is the story of my life with my father and every time I hit a wall I would play the situation over and over in my head (do you do that too?) trying to figure out how we got from “Hi Dad” to “me crying into my pillow”. Then suddenly I had this amazing epiphany: “My father is a GUY”. Which brings us full circle.
Of course we don’t get each other
at times mostly basically all the time. He lives in his own world with his own culture and as far as he is concerned that’s more of a “go there and get it down” and less of a “let’s talk at length about it because communication can be a bonding experience” kind of world.
The best thing is, I actually know this world. I’ve been there before with boyfriends past. And although I am nowhere fluent in “guy” I at least have tourist visa. I just never connected “all of that” to the man who changed my diapers (well actually in all honesty, there is a pretty good chance he never actually did that, but it looks good in writing)!
So why is this such a huge insight? How will this change our relationship?
Well: I now see the obvious (father=guy) and can work on turning it into the useful (expecting “guy stuff” not “substitute mom stuff” from him) and maybe actually have a shot at working through the frustration and being… happy … together.
As far as I’m concerned “Perlis’ – formula” does not just apply to computing, but to life in general and heck maybe even to my father?
Maybe all we need is a good reboot.
What about you? Do you have a great relationship with your father? Is he a “guy” too? If so how did you come to terms with it? Or was it never an issue to start out with? Comment below and let me know. I need all the help I can get.